The Invisible Fool

People don't listen. We don't care. Most of us would rather talk about ourselves than listen to what somebody else has to say. We want to feel validated by having everybody pay attention to us. We want everybody to know all of the cool things we've done. The audience's attention and laughter makes us feel cool and important.

Ever sit listening attentively to somebody talking and suddenly you're reminded of a great story of your own. You spend the rest of the other person's story waiting for your chance, planning and hoping it will still be relevant. Or, you simply cut in when the other person takes a breath. I know I've spent my fair share of time waiting for my turn to speak and planning how to give my punchline. I also know that I have a tendency to jump ahead, figure out what the person is going to say and cut them off. Ouch. I suck.

I observe this happening around me. I see people's attention start to drift as soon as they're not the center of attention. I find that people often don't hear what I'm saying and I often feel invisible and foolish. Perhaps this isn't such a bad thing though. I often feel just as foolish when the words I say are heard. Perhaps I should learn to love that they aren't. I won't be hurt or annoyed when friends talk more than they listen. I'll hear and learn a lot more. And perhaps I'll be a better friend even if I'm not the life of the party all the time.

I used to think that being quiet, as I was through most of my pre-college life, was something to overcome. I'm beginning to realize now that although I may have had the wrong motivations, being so reserved and quiet served me pretty well.


Tags: listen, talk, friend, invisible